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Luscious Loglines

Loglines could potentially be the greatest invention ever. An entire story is compartmentalized into one or two sentence and provides the structure of the narrative. Some of the greatest movies of all time begin with this concise structure.

Die Hard
New York cop John McClane gives terrorists a dose of their own medicine as they hold hostages in an LA office building.

Frankly, that’s all I need to know in order to go see that movie and then when Alan Rickman arrives that’s the icing on the 300 toppings with partially nude models inside cake.

Not exactly what I had in mind, but it will do!

Here are some loglines that would make great, weird, and horrible movies.

Baby Brigade
After nuclear threats from China, the United States government creates a secret experimental research project to genetically engineer super-solders by lowering the draft age from 18….to 18 months.

The Nun of Canterbury
Sister Mary Clayton has fullfilled her duty for over 32 years until one day she is called to be something else entirely. The true life saga of a nun becoming a monk.

Four teenagers break into a bakery after drinking, they soon learn that the filing is not what it seems.

Beauty Marks
After their mob boss is whacked, two ex-hitman open a beauty salon to make a fresh start but due to the competition, they might not make the cut.

Stealing the Scene
Nancy, a struggling actor, agrees to con a drug kingpin after a chance encounter with a Columbian midget at a bar.

During a midlife crisis, Bryan Campbell leaves his friends and family behind to become a panda in southeast Asia.

About me
Hey there I'm Jared! I used to pretend to be a whale when I was little. Now almost 20 years later, you can see me as a whale on stage in Chicago!